i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
