I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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