when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
