Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
