so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
