OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
