Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
