his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
