Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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