In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
