I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
