Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
