mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
