I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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