Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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