six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
