Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
