can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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