We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
