i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Will you blow on my dice?
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
