ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
