she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
