Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
