i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
