She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
