Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize