you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
