he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
