With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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