sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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