mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
