Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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