Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
