Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
