we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
