I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
