Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
