After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
