The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
foreskin is a definite game changer
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
