you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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