when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
