In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
