i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
