I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
