im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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