she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Randomize
