Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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