Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
