is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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