imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
