I can't watch pbs sober anymore
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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