Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
