I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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