I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
