Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
