He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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