I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
